The fear before the fall

I remember the first time I saw my husband. I was in church worshiping the Lord. I was praying for strength for the coming semester and for my future husband. I made one of those list a few months before. A list of this that I wanted my future husband to be like. And I prayed for him. Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, that God would lead him to me. So, as I was worshiping I opened my eyes for a moment and about 10 rows in front of me I saw him. I had this odd feeling that I can’t fully explain. It was like the wind was knocked out of me. At the time I didn’t really believe that God was telling me that this is the one I will marry but I knew there was something special about him.

The next week I saw David in the office. I tried to avoid him. I hated the way he made me feel. We hadn’t even spoken a word to each other. We hadn’t been introduced. He didn’t even know who I was. But I loved him more than I had loved any other man before. It scared me. I had just gotten out of a very complicated long distance, not really on not really off, kind of relationship. I didn’t want to have another heart break. The next guy I was going to date, I was going to marry.

The following week my worst fears came true. He was put on my team. I had to work with him every day. I had to act cool. I approached our work relationship with extreme caution. Because if my suspicions were correct. If this guy was going to be my man I didn’t want to mess it up.

After six months of working together we had become friends. One day when I was praying for my future husband, I took a look at my list. I realized he was everything I had asked God for. I got even more scared. That summer David told me that he could see marrying me one day. Woah. David and I started dating six months later. He made his feeling for me very clear from the beginning. His confidence of our relationship made me feel safe. He has loved me with grace and passion even in times I haven’t deserved it. He reminds me every day of the sacrificial love of Jesus. He surprises me with treats or coffees; he paints me pictures, and buys me flowers for no other reason than to show me he loves me. Since July 2nd, 2016 I have gotten to call him my husband. I’m so happy that I didn’t let fear stop me.

Isn’t it funny that good things can scare us too? For me it’s usually the best things in life that scare me the most. When I moved to New York I was so scared. I prayed and asked God not to send me there. Not to take me away from my family and friends. I prayed that God would make me stop loving David. I was terrified to move to Switzerland and thought many times about just not getting on the plane. Moving to New York was one of the best I’ve ever done. Marrying David has given me new joys. Living in Switzerland has challenged me in ways I never imagined.

The best things in life are also scary at first. Jump head first into the things that scare you and discover the wonder of the ocean beyond your fears.

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